Self Sabotage: The Thing Stopping You From Success May Be You

When you've been in LA for at least a year, you're officially "in". 

LA is like this weird club that everyone wants to be a part of, but it takes time to really feel welcome and comfortable. There are some things that take you out of "tourist" mode quickly, like learning never to take the 405 from the westside to Glendale in Friday rush hour. (Or finally laughing at The Californians on SNL).

But other aspects of Los Angeles, and the entertainment industry, take more time to settle into. There are so many little steps that we learn along the way, like what "Base Camp" is, and what union we have to get into. Once we master that stuff, we finally feel like we're part of the club. And we begin speaking a language that people at home will never understand. 

So with official membership to club LA, why have some of your dreams still not happened?

You know how this place works by now. You talk the talk and walk the walk. 

But the level of success you were hoping for just hasn't happened yet.

After 7 years in this town, after ups and downs on this roller coaster ride, after bad days, and AMAZING days, it's become very clear to me that our biggest hurdle to making that jump, is actually ourselves.

I know that's a hard pill to swallow. You may have to go back and re-read that sentence several times until you really hear it. You may be getting in your own way so much, that you're not open to hearing that it could be something you're doing. 

I learned this from experience. After my first TV show (that was canceled, big surprise!), I couldn't get another job for 9 months. I spent 9 months thinking I was a total failure, and most of those 9 months in a deep depression. My parents had to help me with rent because I had no income. I shut everyone out: ghosting all texts that came in, and ignoring phone calls from my family. I cried almost every day, and wondered desperately, "Why me? Why can't I make my dreams happen?"

It wasn't until my coach told me a story that finally helped me see that I was my own biggest obstacle. I was getting in my own way, and it was clear I wouldn't find success if I continued down this path.

Once I let this realization in, the Universe began to open doors for me, and my success has been steady and growing ever since. I just wrapped on my 26th TV show, and all my wildest dreams have come true.

Now, I can spot self-sabotage a mile away. And it doesn't come in obvious forms like depression.

The biggest culprit? Fears and limiting beliefs.

We all have them. But it's what we do with them, and how we let them run our life that makes an impact.

Here is a list of some common fears and limiting beliefs. Read them, and honestly assess which you relate to the most:

  1. I'm scared that I'm not good enough.
  2. I'm scared that I'm not talented enough.
  3. Making it in LA is really hard.
  4. There is so much competition, how can I compete?
  5. It's all about luck, and I just haven't been lucky yet.
  6. My dream is too big, it will never really happen.
  7. If I don't make it by next year, I'll just move back home.
  8. Thank god I have a Plan B, because this plan is way too hard.
  9. I feel like I'm trying so hard and nothing is working.
  10. I feel like I'm not pretty, thin, or funny enough to really make it.
  11. What will my friends and family say if I don't make it?

While it's perfectly normal to have these thoughts, as long as they continue to surface, you will attract circumstances to confirm them. Let me give you a totally off-topic example: I told my coach that I always date guys who don't treat me well. I'm constantly attracting people who don't want to get to know me. My coach explained that this was a story that I have created, and as long as I continue to believe that story, it will reign true again and again.

At first, I was super defensive. "You think I WANT this?!".... "This isn't a 'story', this is my life!"

Once I calmed down and was ready to listen, it hit me: OMG, she's right. Crap.

Yes, these men really existed in my life. But as long as that was my story that I believed—that men treat me badly—I attracted more men like that into my life just to prove myself right. 

Now, of course this wasn't happening consciously. There was something deeper going on in my subconscious. But my coach gave me an amazing exercise of creating a new story: literally writing a new story about my love life, in the third person. That exercise completely changed my perspective. And I haven't dated a crappy guy since.

The moral of this story, is that your limiting beliefs—the story that you tell yourself over and over again, is actually stopping you from having the career you want, and attracting events to confirm your deepest fears. 

When you tell yourself things like, "Making it in LA is really hard", and "I'm worried that I'm not talented enough to make it", you're keeping yourself shut off from a world where making it in LA is easy, and your talent is top notch.

These blocks can manifest in ways that you may not even realize. For example, maybe you take on a new job that completely blocks you from making your dream career happen, but you convince yourself that it's related. 

Or maybe you develop shiny-object syndrome and go after any new creative endeavor that comes your way because your real dream isn't happening. 

Or maybe you don't try new tactics to make your dream career happen because you've gotten comfortable in your current tactics, and you're too afraid to push outside of that comfort zone again.

Or, if you're like me, you fall into a depression, convince yourself you're a failure, and don't understand the impact that asking for help can have. 

No matter how the blocks manifest for you, these fears and limiting beliefs could be completely sabotaging you from getting to the level of success you desire. And until you fully understand what that means, you'll continue to swim in those mucky waters.

So what can you do to break the cycle? 

  1. Get honest with yourself, figure out exactly what your fears are, and replace them with affirmations ("I am so happy and grateful to be a series regular on a TV show!")
  2. Listen to my (free) audio training, "Your Biggest Dream Now"
  3. Watch/listen to videos on Youtube by Abraham Hicks on abundance (I'm currently obsessed with this one)
  4. Surround yourself with people who build you up—people who can lift you up when your fears are creeping in
  5. Keep track of all your successes and celebrate them
  6. Do activities that make you feel really happy and in your zone of genius

Breaking the cycle of self-sabotage is really simple. But that doesn't mean it's easy. Take one day at a time, and notice when these fears and limiting beliefs come up. As they say, the first step is always awareness. Then create a new story for yourself.

If you're still feeling stuck and you really want to take your career to the next level, sign up to work with me. This is my zone of genius, and my dream is to help you succeed. You deserve your dreams, no matter what anyone tells you. And no matter what you tell yourself.